Restore....Putting Back the Fragments of a Broken Life!

I have a burden that won’t go away! I have had this my whole life, my children have it too! My son Daniel has spent countless of hours in prayer on this one subject! I have laid on the floor crying, not knowing if I would ever get up, because of the weight of this breaking my heart.

What am I talking about, you may be asking? Relationships! I grew up in a dysfunctional home extraordinaire. I loved my mom and my dad, as all children do! By the time I was a teen I had no love for my dad in me at all. Then one day he sat on our porch and cried like a baby, while telling me how he wanted to kill himself! I thought wow, can this violent, fault finding, accusing, controlling person be something different than I thought he was?  His attitudes, (words), brought death to every relationship he ever had.

From that moment on, I contended for my dad. I went to see him when my siblings wouldn’t! I said kind things about him when others were running him down. I loved my dad with all my heart! I had come to realize, he too was a victim of something that he was trying to overcome! When I was 30 years old he had my step mother call me and tell me that I was never allowed into their home, ever again.

What could I have done to deserve this? That was the question I would ask myself for almost 10 years! The timing of his rejection of me was pinnacle! My mother had died in March of that year, I only seen my children, (two boys), 3 and 1/2 halve days per week! I had recently lost my marriage, career, children (partially), mother and now my dad! A few days after Christmas he had his wife call me and she told me not to bring my 2 little boys over! They were not welcome in their home and neither was I, ever again!

I wish I could say that this was the last painful experience I have ever had with people, but unfortunately it was not! I am a business owner and people leave me all the time. I have had more people die in my life, than I care to remember. My new marriage of 17 years has offered a lot of pain as well. The churches I have gone to for help and hope, have been a mire of extremely painful experiences! Friends who told me they were friends, barely respond to a message.

Why am I telling you this story?? Because I have wanted to see stories like mine cease to exist! I want to see the hope of restoration of relationships be birthed into the hearts of others!

Let’s talk….what can be done about the painful ways we deal with others? Why are we so quick to cut people out of our lives? Why do we hold such high standards for others, yet all the while keeping our standard for ourselves way too low? Why do we think people have to do what we require? Why do we hold a silent measuring stick by which we measure, (judge) others, and when someone goes past it, we pull out the knife and cut all ties to that person? What are we doing? Why are we doing it? How do we become the people we were supposed to be? Will we ever change or will God have to let us die off so that a different generation can come into the promised land? I for one want to get to the promised land!!

What has prompted me to write this, you might be asking?? I see people daily hurting other people with unkind attitudes. In the church, out of the church, in schools, homes, families, marriages, in all kinds of situations! In my home I work on this thing called communication daily! My children only get in trouble for one reason; lack of regard for another human being!

So what is the solution you ask?? Good question?? Quite honestly, I have already answered that question in the blog entitled: Getting Over! http://givelifekc.wordpress.com/2013/04/23/getting-over/

I would like to go a little deeper into this subject and answer some of the questions from one of the previous paragraphs:

1. Why are we so quick to cut people out of our lives?

A. I believe it really is caused by 2 basic reasons. 1.  We want to protect ourselves from more painful situations so we put self-protection around our hearts. 2. We listen to voices in our head, or through other people that tell us we have a right to not forgive and judge others. The word of God says: Mark 12:31 The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”

2.  Why do we hold such high standards for others, yet all the while keeping our standard for ourselves way too low?

A. Quite honestly we sincerely think we are better than others. Ouch!! Understand I say that with extreme humility, I have been very, very guilty of this! We tend to let ourselves off the hook for our behavior, but if we notice others who exhibit the same behavior that we have, or another behavior we don't like, we have no tolerance for it in them. The word of God says:  Mark 11:25 And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”

3. Why do we think people have to do what we require?

A. We live in a society that teaches self, self, self, self-indulgence to the maximum!! Even if we attend a church, we tend to go because of what we will get out of it! Very few people actually do anything for the benefit of another. If we don’t get something out of it, we just have no interest at all! The good news is we can change :-)! But the word of God says: John 15:13 Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.

4. How do we become the people we were supposed to be?

A. We first and foremost must take a good long look in the mirror of truth and find out who we are and why we are!

B. Go after the word of God and start using His word as the measuring stick for ourselves and let others use it for themselves. We are not God, we have no right to even form an opinion about another person, unless it is something that builds them up. Luke 6:36 “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. That is God’s job to know where others need help. Our job is to pray that others will tolerate us, until we are something worth being around :-). Also to pray that others will be who they are supposed to be, with a selfless heart.

People we need to get real!! You and I will never be good enough for God or anyone else :-)!! If we want to see restoration come to our lives and others it starts here, and stays here! According to the word of God we all deserve what Jesus got, to be whipped and put to death by means of a cross. Gal 3:3 Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us, for it is written: “Cursed is everyone who is hung on a pole.” That is what we deserve, but PRAISE GOD, He did it for us :-)!

That is what love looks like. Taking the punishment of others onto ourselves and not bragging about it!! We need to stop talking about other people all together! If we don’t have something good to say, we need to just keep silent! I tell my kids, SHUT IT DOWN! No thought, attitude, or words will I uphold, other than what builds others up!

I want everyone I know to have great relationships with the Lord and their families. If we do these things than that will happen: Luke 10:27 He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”

Many people know this, let's become better at responding and do this :-)! Jesus says, if we do those two things, we will have done what is required! All the laws and what the prophets wrote about are contingent on these two items of business!  Luke 10:26-28; ²⁶ Jesus said to him, What is written in the Law? How do you read it?

²⁷ And he replied, You must love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself.

²⁸ And Jesus said to him, You have answered correctly; do this, and you will live [enjoy active, blessed, endless life in the kingdom of God].

Friends we must get this love thing figured out, or we will continue to hurt the very people Jesus died for. I personally don’t want His blood on my hands! I want my words and attitudes to heal not condemn, bring life not death, build up not tear down! 

I had to forgive my dad, co-workers, friends, neighbors, spouse, children, Pastors, leaders......etc. Everyone who has said an unkind word to me, or given me unjust treatment, I simply must forgive! If I don't I hold myself as a prisoner, open for more heart ache! I want to be free friends and I want that for you! Life is too short and people are too valuable to hold grudges and stop loving the people that has been placed in our lives to love! We will reap what we have sewn, and when we forgive, people who intentionally on unintentionally hurt us, it opens the doors for us to be forgiven. When we make a commitment to love, it opens the doors for someone to be committed to love us too!

HELP US JESUS GET THIS RIGHT! We must become vessels of love that reach out and love like you do! Show us your love, equip us with your love, embrace us with your love, not for us but for others! Show us the good in others, let us see how you see, hear what your saying, say what you want and be who you are! In your perfect, beautiful name, amen!

Need prayer, let me know! Let me know how you plan on putting love into your life and others! We must hold each other accountable in love! Thanks for reading, I am looking forward to restoration for you!